The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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