remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
