I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
