I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize