Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
