you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
