I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
