So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize