apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
