What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
