You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
