Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
