the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
