If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
3pm strippers are depressing
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
