Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
he just fucked me for my cheese..
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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