Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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