she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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