im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
