He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
