I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
