Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
