Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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