I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
