my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
