I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
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