Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
