...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
