Soap is not a condiment
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
