and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
