You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
