meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize