I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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