Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
