the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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