Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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