I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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