Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
