Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
