I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
