Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
