He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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