this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize