my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
