I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
