The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
