Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
