It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
