I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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