We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
