Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
