you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
