just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
