Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
