This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
