I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
