Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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