I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
