i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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