Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Randomize
