I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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