She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
