Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
