Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
tell me about the fingering
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