The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
