grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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