haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
