I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
