3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
