I'm really into asian looking animals
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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