Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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