Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
