i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
