btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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