Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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