two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
