We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
