I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize