Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
