K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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