Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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