Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Randomize
