i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
