I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
