fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
