he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
