Only a mothe r could love this liver
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
