I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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