She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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