im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Houston, we have a blender
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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