I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
