he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
